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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22997818">99 problems sexual puns can cause with your s/o</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlinghorchata/pseuds/darlinghorchata'>darlinghorchata</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, But with Feelings and Love, Established Relationship, Fellatio, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Shyan Valentine's 2020, Shyan Writing Events, it's just basically</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:08:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22997818</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlinghorchata/pseuds/darlinghorchata</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just some lovely late Valentine after date rituals between the boys.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Shyan Valentine's Exchange 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>99 problems sexual puns can cause with your s/o</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/brainyraccoons/gifts">brainyraccoons</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is for the dear Phil, brainyraccoons. i apologize for it being late; life happens. regardless, i hope you enjoy!</p><p>-</p><p>prompt:<br/>"just hit me up with the most romantic, sappy love making possible. Looking at each other's faces, kissing all over, maybe some body worship, some laughter, some candles, you know, the soft stuff. It's Valentine's Day after all. They need that sweet, sweet lovin'."</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The soft caress of Shane’s breath gently brushed across Ryan’s cheek. He shivered and leaned up, pressing a chaste kiss against Shane’s jawline. His hands rested on the swell of Ryan’s back as they slowly danced to an imaginary tune. It was peaceful in their bedroom, the candlelight creating a tranquil, if not romantically charged, atmosphere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to ruin this moment by trying to dance like the youngards these days, are you?” Shane murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan scoffed good-naturedly. “Youngards? What are you, a melancholic alcoholic born in the--” He inhaled sharply as Shane nipped his ear, shuddering against him as he tongued the sensitive flesh. “--forties?” he forced himself to finish. Ryan ran his finger tips up and down his sides, before he started working on the buttons of Shane’s shirt, deftly exposing more of his long neck and stark collarbone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pressed a wet, open mouth kiss against his Adam’s apple, smiling to himself as Shane’s breath hitched. His hands lowered and he grabbed Ryan’s ass, squeezing, just to be an asshole.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Asshole,” he muttered affectionately and Shane laughed quietly. Ryan continued to work on the buttons and gave a small, “aha!” when the shirt opened up all the way. He roughly pushed it down his arms, but it didn’t go far, since Shane was still wrapped around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, ah, ah,” Shane said. He pecked him on the nose. “No need to be so quick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan huffed at him, but couldn’t contain the soft smile he gave him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane’s eyes glinted prettily in the candlelight as he returned the grin and Ryan drank in that hazy, heated expression, before kissing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane sighed into it, opening his mouth against Ryan’s sudden onslaught, nipping and licking and sucking. His hands roamed Shane’s soft flesh and, much more carefully, Ryan tugged the shirt the rest of the way off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane broke off the kiss, moaning quietly as Ryan latched onto the side of his throat, continuing his ministrations down his neck. “Careful, Ry…” he warned, his head tilting back as Ryan softly bit his collarbone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not above the collar, I’m aware,” he retorted, before he bit the juncture of his shoulder. Shane’s head lolled to the side as he groaned heartily. Without opening his eyes, he started fumbling with Ryan’s shirt, hissing when it didn’t immediately come off and started working on his jeans instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane groaned again, this time in severe distaste. “I appreciate you getting all dolled up for me, babe,” he said sarcastically. Ryan smiled into his skin, lapping at a particularly sensitive spot on his chest, just to hear that breathy exhale as he tried to reprimand him. “But-- ah, fuck,” he hissed as Ryan latched onto his nipple, toying with the hardened nub between his teeth. “God-- god dammit, let me just--” He shakily unbuckled Ryan’s belt and pulled it through the loops. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As I was saying,” Shane tried to continue, his voice losing most of its edge, “I appreci-- eee, ahh, appreciate you getting dolled up but, this is taking forever,” he finally completed, pulling at Ryan’s shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan paused, and stared up at Shane. He couldn’t quite hold back his snort. “You don't want a slow seduction, filled with foreplay and nice words?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, we can do that, but these clothes? They’ve got to go,” he said. Despite his annoyance, Shane was still looking like a pristine image of debauchment, with his bright eyes, flushed cheeks, and mussed hair, and now tugging at his own pants with a hurried disgrace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arousal sizzled in the pit of his stomach and Ryan couldn’t really fault Shane for wanting to speed things up. He yanked his shirt off over his head and was just unzipping his jeans when Shane stepped out of his own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan’s eyes narrowed on in on his cock and, without a real conscience thought, knelt down in front of Shane. He spit into his hand and gave a few short tugs near the base, gently fingering the vein on the underside of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don't cum,” he said and without preamble, pulled back his foreskin and wrapped his lips around the head, noisily sucking. Ryan looked up at Shane from beneath his eyelashes and pumped the base of his cock with his hand, just the way he liked it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane let out a guttural groan, tangling one hand in his hair and letting the other rest across his cheek. Spittle began to run down his chin as he opened his mouth to accommodate more of Shane and Ryan shivered when he tenderly caressed his bottom lip with his thumb. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled off suddenly and gave Shane a smirk. "Hey, have you ever given someone a blowjob?" His voice was hoarse, but it was definitely worth it. Hazy eyes stared down at him in confusion. He waited a beat. "It's a pretty big mouthful."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another beat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Holy shit, that was awful," Shane said, raising his arm over his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan cackled. "Thank you," he replied obnoxiously, before sliding his cock back into his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With his other hand, Ryan dragged his hand over the back of Shane’s thigh and rested it lightly on his ass. Goading him gently, he hummed when Shane took the hint, and began to slowly fuck his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so good to me, angel,” he murmured above him. "Even if your jokes are shit." Ryan hummed around his mouthful, not wanting to pull away to laugh. His fingers drifted and he ran his hand in between the crevice of Shane's ass, fingers barely skimming his puckered hole.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane fucking <em>shook</em>, grappling at Ryan’s arms and pulling him up. He kissed him hard, and a bit more desperately than before. “Fuck me,” he said into his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan pulled back from the kiss, licking his lip, before giving Shane another soft smile. “Alright then, big guy. Get on the bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rock paper scissor for position?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan side eyed him. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They repeated the mantra and Ryan called rock on Shane’s scissor. “Fuck,” Shane muttered to himself as he climbed onto the bed, laying on his stomach. Ryan laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you still think I was going to fall for your psych bullshit? Again?” he said as he walked around the bed and grabbed the lube and a condom from the nightstand. He got out of his jeans and toed off his socks, crawling onto the bed after Shane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but it’d be nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan swatted his ass, ignoring his indignant squawk. “Fair’s fair. Turn over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane rolled his eyes but complied, twisting around and lying flat on his back with his knees bent. He stared at Ryan with soft eyes, and Ryan couldn’t help but track his eyes over the perfect picture: a sex ruffled Shane bathed in candlelight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A picture lasts longer, Ry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want the government to see your dick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He let out a long suffering sigh. “You really know how to get a guy to lose his boner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan raised his brows, looking pointedly down at Shane’s still very clearly interested cock. His flush darkened. “That’s what I thought. Now,” he grabbed a pillow from his side of the bed, “lift up and spread your knees.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He complied, and Ryan pushed the pillow underneath his hips, hooking one of Shane’s legs over his shoulder. He trailed his fingers all over his thighs, stomach, and grinned when he caressed the perineum. He pressed a kiss along the inside of his knee and Shane keened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ry, Ry, c’mon, get in me,” he demanded throatily. “Get </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> in me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your wish is my command, big guy,” Ryan said, as he uncapped the lube. He squirted a generous amount into his palm, coating it in between his fingers, before gently touching Shane’s rim.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He exhaled loudly, his body going lax beneath him as Ryan began to slowly prod and push past that tight ring of muscle. He watched Shane as he moved through the motions, watching his chest turn red, watching him bite his lip when Ryan added a second finger, watching his hands desperately grab the sheets as he pumped faster. He was beautiful, and Ryan could never stop staring at him; especially now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He added another finger and a shudder ran through Shane’s body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ryan, please,” he suddenly begged, gyrating his hips to try to push back onto his fingers. Ryan’s eyes widened as his dick twitched. “Fuck me, c’mon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Throat dry, he only nodded and pulled out his fingers. Shane whimpered at the loss of contact, but Ryan shushed him. He pinched the tip of the condom, rolling it on, before lubing himself up. He groaned at his own simple touches, before forcing himself to stop and lining himself up with Shane’s entrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready, big guy?” he asked quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded, saying a simple, “Yes,” before Ryan pushed in, sliding all the way in to the hilt. Both of them moaned and Shane wrapped his other leg around Ryan’s waist, driving him in as deep as he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan saw stars in Shane’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey there, big guy,” he whispered, inches away from Shane’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, angel,” he replied, just as quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both met in the middle, kissing each other languidly as Ryan began to thrust shallowly. They ate each other’s moans and, at some point, Shane entwined their fingers together against the bed sheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their climaxes built up slowly and naturally, any desperation long dissipated in their throes of pleasing each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan chanted, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” like a prayer when he came.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes, yes,” Shane incanted back, before one long lasting, “Angel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Idly, he traced benign patterns against Shane’s chest. They were wrapped together; both of them were going to have sore backs in the morning, but he didn’t mind. Not one bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane’s skin was soft, and warm, and he felt like he was floating in the sea. The soft caress of ocean’s waves, lulling him into a peaceful rest. Ryan felt better than he had in awhile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for tonight,” he murmured against his skin. He pressed a gentle kiss against his arm and inhaled deeply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need to thank me, Ry; it was certainly my pleasure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan rolled his eyes and laughed.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope you all enjoyed! thank you so much for reading. if you feel so inclined, leave me some feedback - writing smut is a real struggle lmao and i'd appreciate what you might have to say.</p><p>again, i apologize for the delay!</p><p><a href="https://brainyraccoons.tumblr.com/">phil's tumblr</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/brainraccoons">twitter!</a></p><p>much love, my dudes xx</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://cleopatraslibrary.tumblr.com">come yell with me on tumblr</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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